Five Expert Tips for Navigating the Holidays During Eating Disorder Recovery
Key Takeaways:
Reflect on what truly matters to you during the holidays to align your actions with your values.
Plan ahead for holiday food challenges by anticipating triggers and creating coping strategies.
Face fear foods head-on using structured steps like 'opposite action' to challenge disordered urges.
Lean on your support network for accountability and reassurance during holiday gathering
As a kid, Emma used to love the holidays—the twinkling lights, unwrapping presents, and holiday movie marathons with freshly baked cookies. But now, the holidays have become a source of dread. Exhausting gatherings, anxiety around food, and well-meaning but intrusive comments have her wanting to hide. Caught between wanting to connect and feeling pushed into disordered behaviors, Emma finds herself skipping meals, avoiding the dessert table, and isolating herself—all of which keep her stuck and missing out.
If you’ve experienced holidays with an eating disorder, you might know this feeling all too well—engaging in behaviors that make you feel safe in the moment, but ultimately have you missing out on connection, joy, and being present. But this year could be different. As a clinical psychologist specializing in eating disorders, I've helped many clients navigate holiday food challenges successfully, and I want to share some of the strategies that can make a real difference.
In this post, you’ll find five expert tips to help you navigate holiday food challenges and reduce anxiety. These practical strategies can help you reclaim the joy of the holiday season on your terms. With any of these strategies, it’s not about perfection—after all, even the most perfectly planned holiday tends to go sideways at some point (looking at you, burned stuffing). It’s about taking small steps that make the holidays easier for yourself, especially in the long run.
Five Tips for Facing the Holidays You are In Recovery from an Eating Disorder
TIP 1: Reflect on What Truly Matters During the Holidays
Why It Matters: When you’re caught in eating struggles, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters to you—like enjoying the holidays with loved ones, joining in on traditions, and being fully present. Reflecting on your values can be a powerful way to shift your mindset.
How to Do It: Take some time to identify and maybe even write down your values. Ask yourself questions like: “What do I want to get out of this holiday season?”, “How do I want to feel during and after the holidays?”, “What kind of person do I want to be in situations like this?”, or “When I think about my life ten years from now, how do I want to experience holidays?” Keep these reflections visible—maybe on your phone or in a journal—so you can revisit them when you need a reminder of what’s truly important to you.
Example: You may realize that your values include being present with family, experiencing joy, and forming meaningful connections. These values may conflict with eating disorder behaviors, such as avoiding meals or isolating yourself due to food fears. Recognizing this discrepancy can help motivate you to make different choices that align more closely with what you truly value.
Tip 2: Plan Ahead for Food Challenges
Once you've clarified your values, it's time to think ahead and anticipate moments that could challenge those values.
Why It Matters: Planning ahead helps you anticipate specific situations that could be difficult for you and create strategies to handle them. This reduces the likelihood of getting overwhelmed in the moment and gives you a sense of control. When you know what to expect, it’s easier to stick to your goals and align with your values, even when things get challenging.
How to Do It: Think about upcoming holiday events and identify potential triggers—maybe it’s a big family dinner, a specific food, or even certain relatives who might make comments about your eating. For each situation, develop a coping strategy. This could include bringing a trusted support person, having a set response ready for intrusive comments, or scheduling a calming activity for afterward. By having a plan, you’re better equipped to face difficult moments without resorting to disordered behaviors.
Example: Sarah knew that her aunt often made comments about her eating, so she prepared a polite but firm response in advance: “I’m focusing on enjoying the holidays with everyone, and I’d appreciate it if we could avoid talking about my food choices.” This helped her feel more in control.
Tip 3: Face Your Fear Foods Head-On
Planning is crucial, but real change also means facing your fears directly when those moments arise.
Why It Matters: Facing your fear foods directly is one of the most effective ways to overcome food anxiety during holidays. It helps break the cycle of fear and allows you to participate in holiday moments.
How to Do It:
Step 1: Identify the disordered thought or urge as disordered. Recognize when an anxious thought about food or an avoidance urge is part of your eating disorder.
Step 2: Decide whether it aligns with your values. Ask yourself if this thought or urge supports the values you've identified (e.g., connection, freedom, health).
Step 3: If it doesn’t, use 'opposite action.' Act in a way that is opposite to the disordered urge. For example, if your urge is to avoid a particular food, choose to take a small, manageable portion instead.
Step 4: Expect that this will cause guilt or distress. Know that feelings of guilt or anxiety are temporary and will decrease over time as you continue to challenge your fears.
Step 5: Distract yourself to cope with the guilt or distress. Plan a specific activity to do after facing your fear, such as playing a game, working on a puzzle, or watching a comfort show. This helps shift your focus and alleviate discomfort.
Step 6: Do not use compensatory behaviors. Resist the urge to compensate for the food you just challenged, such as restricting later or over-exercising. Compensating only reinforces the anxiety and keeps you stuck in the cycle.
Example: When Lindsay felt anxious about eating a holiday cookie, she identified the thought as disordered and recognized that avoiding the cookie didn't align with her values of connection and enjoying the holidays. Although she was having urges to avoid eating the cookie, she used opposite action by taking the cookie she wanted. She expected the feelings of guilt, reminded herself of the bigger picture, and decided to distract herself by watching her favorite holiday movie while eating the cookie. She had urges to go on a run to compensate, but knew this would just negate her challenge so she didn't go on a run and was able to stay connected with her family.
Tip 4: Embrace Anxiety as Part of Growth
It’s natural to feel anxious when facing fears, so let’s talk about how to handle that anxiety in a healthy way.
Why It Matters: Allowing yourself to feel anxious or uncomfortable, and continuing on anyway, is a critical part of recovery. It’s okay to be anxious—anxiety and discomfort are expected parts of the process, especially in the beginning, and know that they’re temporary. Rather than avoiding these feelings, the way to actually get these situations to feel less distressing is to do the things that feel uncomfortable and keep going anyway. Repeated exposure to these situations will gradually reduce the anxiety, helping you build resilience and experience more ease over time.
How to Do It: When you feel anxious or uncomfortable, remind yourself that these feelings are part of the process. Use affirmations like, “It’s okay to feel anxious right now,” or “Discomfort means I’m growing.” Instead of avoiding situations that provoke anxiety, lean into them with the understanding that repeated exposure will make them feel less overwhelming over time. Plan small, manageable actions that push you out of your comfort zone, and remind yourself that progress comes from showing up—even when it’s hard.
Example: One client, Jamie, found that staying at the dinner table for just five minutes longer than she wanted to was a way to embrace discomfort. Over time, she gradually increased her comfort with staying at meals.
Tip 5: Lean on Your Support Network
Facing anxiety is easier when you have a support system in place, so let’s talk about leaning on those around you.
Why It Matters: Having supportive people around you can make all the difference when facing food-related challenges during the holidays. Support and accountability help you feel less alone and remind you that you don’t have to face anxiety on your own.
How to Do It: Identify a friend, partner, or family member that you trust. Let them know what you’re working on and how they can support you. This might mean asking someone to sit with you during a challenging meal, checking in regularly, or even giving you a gentle nudge when you need it. Knowing that you have people in your corner can make it easier to face uncomfortable situations and stick to your goals.
Example: Lindsay asked her partner to sit next to her during the family holiday dinner and give her a reassuring look whenever she felt overwhelmed. This helped her feel more supported and less alone.
Final Thoughts: Making This Holiday Different
The holidays will always come with challenges, but they don’t have to be defined by body and food concerns. By focusing on what matters, having a structured plan to face food fears head-on, and relying on support systems, you can make this holiday season different.
Progress isn’t about being perfect. It’s about taking meaningful steps forward, no matter how small. If you need support, I’m here to help. As a clinical psychologist specializing in eating disorders, I offer evidence-based strategies to help you build a healthier relationship with food and create the life you want. If you’re looking for professional guidance, reach out. Together, we can work on building a healthier relationship with food that allows you to live fully and authentically—even during the holiday season.
